I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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