for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
