im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
