DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
