saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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