I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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