I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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