I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
