omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
