I CAN MOONWALK!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
