how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
