Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
