So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
