I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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