I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
