Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
