Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Text me some of your sweat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
