Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
