There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
