dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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