woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
