it's not cheating when I paid for it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
