Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
