True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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