Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
