Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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