everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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