Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
