I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
