I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
