How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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