I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
