Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
