She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize