xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
