So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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