I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?