Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.