he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
