I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
