I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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