from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
