blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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