nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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