So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
