I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
