Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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