She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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