I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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