Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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