Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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