I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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