I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
