When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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