based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
