So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
