i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
