Pregnant stripper...not hot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
