I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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