What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
