If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
