she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
