She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
