Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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