If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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