dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
