Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
