I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
