You can't special order awesome
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
