did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
