So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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