do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
